Letting Go
—Letting Go—
For me (and for many others, I think), this is incredibly difficult. Especially so when it comes to creative endeavors. I’ve spent much of today (students are writing essays) and a chunk of hours last night revising my query letter for NIGHTLIGHTER. Though I spent many months preparing and revising my query letter last summer with Editor Amy (and also plowed through about 10 variations two years ago), I like to grow and modify when I feel the query has, to some degree, passed its expiration date. The first *plot focused* paragraph of my query is reproduced below.
The Breach approaches. A new source of life—a new dimension of life. One devoid of humanity’s self-perpetuating energy crisis. Kohra is a nightlighter. She is their salvation; she is their key.
I like it. It reads well; it’s interesting. But after some critical review last night—and a review of my query submissions thus far—I wanted to enhance it. Make it a little more “hook-ee”.
Here’s what I came up with:
The Breach approaches. A new source of life—a new dimension of life. One devoid of humanity’s self-perpetuating energy crisis. What would it look like? What would it feel like? Kohra is a nightlighter. She is mankind’s salvation; she is their key. She kept dreaming of this world—this future—she knew was impossible. Then, one day, she got in.
This feels more pressing, more exciting and specific to the story. I like the cadence and the mystery. I read this, and I want to know “well, what happened when Kohra ‘got in’?”
I also revised some of the last paragraph—the logline, or elevator pitch, if you will. I added a few terse descriptors to the nameless (in the query) characters to make them seem more ‘real’ and provide some insight into their own unique conflict, apart from Kohra. I think it works.
Original:
Set in the Earth-bound metropolis of L’Lohgus thousands of years in the future, NIGHTLIGHTER intertwines the lives of a soldier, a sage, a tyrant, and a girl named Kohra, in an epic tale of violence, deceit, and a lust for total control over a new dimension of mankind.
Revised:
Set in the Earth-bound metropolis of L’Lohgus thousands of years in the future, NIGHTLIGHTER intertwines the lives of an imposter-syndrome-plagued soldier, a sage with mommy issues, a sex-addicted tyrant, and a girl named Kohra, in an epic tale of violence, deceit, and a lust for total control over a new dimension of mankind.
With these updates, I then took to my QueryTracker account to catalog which agents had received which version of the query. To those near the top of my list, I decided to either withdraw and resubmit my query or tack on the update to the initial query email thread. Given my research, it’s mostly appropriate to do so, but it usually moves your query to the bottom of the agent’s list, i.e., it boots you to the end of the queue. I’m okay with this if it means the difference between a rejection or a request.
BUT… how much withdrawing and resubmitting is worth A) the hassle and B) the off-chance that the agent is turned off by the resubmission (though if I were an agent, I’d want to see the most up-to-date work). Of my 46 queries (as of this writing) submitted, a decided to withdraw 16 and substitute with the updated query letter. The other 33 I’ve decided to Let Go. Not as a lost cause, but more of a “let’s see what happens”. Because, hey, the initial query got me my first full manuscript request.
The query grind continues.
Peace & love,
-Taylor
P.S. I also added a trigger and content warning to my query and reordered a few of the paragraphs. If, and—God-willing—when I sign a contract with an agent, perhaps I’ll post the query letter that made it happen. :)
TJH -- 12.14.2023